My phobias

It used to be all about arguments, concepts, reasoning, structured propositions and all that. Now it is all about lists. Lists are the new black. Here are my fears. Apparently. Okay, they are not exactly fears or phobias, more like obscure random causes of distress.

Agateophobia – Fear of insanity
Anyone can calmly say that are not afraid of insanity because once you are insane you don’t generally realize your situation and thus you are blissful in your ignorance. Wrong. These people have never flirted with insanity, because otherwise they would know that insanity can be expressed as the futile struggle to keep hold of your senses. If that makes any sense of course.

Anthropophobia – Fear of people or society
I am an antisocial son of a bitch for a good reason.

Anuptaphobia – Fear of staying single.
Sad, me knows.

Athazagoraphobia – Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.
See above.

Cacophobia – Fear of ugliness.
Yes, I am afraid of myself. I always sneak up on myself when I look at a mirror, but I never quite manage to surprise me.

Catagelophobia – Fear of being ridiculed.
I once pissed myself in class. Twice. Traumatic. Thank god I don't like guns.

Eleutherophobia – Fear of freedom.
That probably makes me a masochist, which actually makes great sense.

Eremophobia – Fear of being oneself or of loneliness.
See above.

Ergasiophobia – Fear of work or functioning.
I am not lazy, I am just afraid!!!

Gamophobia – Fear of marriage (and marriages).
Never mind my future marriage (brrrr), I am afraid of other people’s marriages. People should seriously stop getting married, it's getting ridiculous. Sign a contract or elope, but stop that whole socially depressive marriage thingy.

Gelotophobia – Fear of being laughed at.
See above. I prefer to laugh at others than getting laughed at.

Homophobia – Fear of sameness, monotony or of homosexuality or of becoming homosexuals.
I am proud and I am aloud. I am a homophobic! I am also however a victim of homophobicophobia, a potentially dangerous social disease.

Iatrophobia – Fear of going to the doctors or of doctors.
Doctors suck. They never give you any good news and they want money as well. What’s the point? You get there, they never tell you something like ‘hey, your penis grew two inches since the last time I saw you, and I 'll get my sexy nurse to double check’. Instead they tell you have testicular cancer, and they have to cut your balls off, and turn you into a eunuch without the benefits of the beautiful voice, or stick their thumb up your arse or something like that. Not to mention of course the fact that if what they said about preventive medicine was true, they would be out of business, and they are not. So they are liars on top of everything else.

Macrophobia – Fear of long waits.
I am not really afraid of them, they just really piss me off. A waste of my precious time which I could have spent bitching about something else.

Philophobia – Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Let’s just say it’s true. But on a personal note, I hate all those twits abusing the word every so often.

Scelerophibia – Fear of bad men, burglars.
I am a pussy, I know. Not of course, that there are many people waiting for burglars in their homes ready to have some good old head bashing fun.

Taeniophobia – Fear of tapeworms.
Tapeworms are fuckers! Imagine having a long fucking parasite in your intestines stealing of your food, eating the good stuff, and leaving you with all the bad things and the fat. Kill all tapeworms, those lazy fucks.

Teratophobia – Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
No-one will ever admit to that. No one!

Big surprising upset: Fear of commitment is not listed in the official lists. Thank you very much all ex and future girlfriends, I win all arguments with science!

I am quite the neurotic, right?

PS. My spellchecker only has homophobia in it’s database.